When I Grow Up...

I want to be Malaysia's first Emperor.

I want to be the President of the United States of America.

I want to drive an Aston Martin.

I want to be the senior editor of a well known magazine.

I want to own an armored tank that fires giant nerf rounds.

I want a laser tag war room in my own house.

I want to give my name a super long suffix and prefix when I become emperor.

The great, most noble, most desirable, most glorious, leader who brings pleasure to your toes and massages your kneck with the powers of his mind in ways that are most glorious, king of birds; but only birds that look pretty. Lord of animals that are endangered by the diabolical fascist regime of evilness, and fish that are tasty, Magnificent Joseph Wong the wowness of wongness, in aircraft, jetfighter, explosions in the sky.

I want to learn how to stiffle sneezes.

I would love to learn perfect etiquette.

I want to buy a mac book from macdonalds.

Love the Crab. Hate the Prawn.

I despise prawns. These horrible thingies that come cooked with their beady eyes still staring at you. Worse, you chop it's head off when it's still on your plate and it's mushy brains. Then the chef forces you to skin the headless prawn all by yourself. The worse part comes when you realize the black stuff you're eating is actually prawn poop. Lovely.

Crabs however, are fantastic! They come in a beautiful package with the smoothest shells ready for your eating pleasure. The best part is that eating it is an interactive joy! One needs to use a hammer and a nutcracker to get to the flesh inside. And once you get to the gastronomically glorious flesh, well; who cares. The whole fun was smashing the crab into bits. Lovely.

That's odd. I don't like prawns cause of the work to get to the flesh. But I love crabs for the same reason. How now?

Nerfing. (Part 1)

Non-Expanding Recreational Foam. NERF. This actually sounds more serious than 'paintball'

While studying, I came across a news article covering some guys who formed a small Nerfing community in Malaysia. These weren't your regular kids running amok with guns while screaming their heads off. These guys looked like people across different ages. My first thought was; these people have not known the wonders of the playstation. Then I realized that I recognized some of these faces! They were friends I know in Kl. Now why would they be playing nerf? 

For the uninitiated, Nerf is a brand name that manufactures 'blasters' or guns that fire foam darts. It was a groundbreaking invention some bored scientist created when he realized that foam didn't break stuff. So why not shape the foam into a sabot round and load it into a gun. After all, if he had fun playing with the dang thing, so would anyone who loved the thrill of competition and shooting bros after a hard day's work. It was a spectacular success. 

I believed Nerf was a kids toy, something your little brother would run about playing with his over frenzied friends.  But I couldn't help realizing that something in me was just shrieking to pick one of the numerous blasters my friend had to try them out. My inner child possessed my limbs and I found myself blasting my dear friend in his head with a foam dart. Just for the fun of it. 

A real ammunition.

Nerf ammunition. 

Then he pointed towards an atrocity. A monster. This humongous gun shaped like the perfect weapon of war. A machine gun. A nerfing machine gun. It was the belt-fed apex of a toy technology, and it fired pretty quick. Once you started up the machine, it hummed menacingly. Then you pulled the trigger. 

And a stream of foam darts jettisoned from the gun. 

Now at this point my inner child ripped apart my sternum, sliced open my chest and grasped the Nerf Machine gun with all his might. "Ok. Let's go play some nerf," I said. We divided ourselves into two teams, since there were only three people, it was a 2 vs 1. My friend had his machine gun. I had a minuscule revolver and my wingman had a watchmacallit blaster. Getting to the two sides, I heard the hum of the machine gun then, the splatter of foam shots smacking into our cover. I turned over to my wingman and he gave me a look that said," there's nothing we can do. Take one step and we'd be 'killed'. I must admit, I thought this game would be easier, but it wasn't. 

We had to wait till there was a pause in the hum of the gun and the percussion of the bullets till we could charge out with guns blazing. And we did. While our foe was still reloading his gun, my wingman took him out with a single blaster shot to the head. 

Now of course, this was just one spontaneous game my friends had obligingly arranged when I walked over to their house out of boredom. Many more battles followed