I admit, sometimes I'm peeved with myself for being peeved at something that peeves me off. Why am I so peeved sometimes? It doesn't make sense. Just because my mom came a little late to pick me up gives me no right to behave peeved. So what if some insensitive jerk said some thing insensitive and blunt or a dear friend behaves like an insensitive jerk for a moment? That that give me the right to give that person the stare of death or a stream of angry impassionated words? Hardly. Yet, I still do get peeved. If something big happens; like me forgetting to save after beating the last boss for forty days in a row or playing a sport like a lame monkey in a competition. I have the choice or decision to get angry and agigitated and I normally allow myself that feeling.
Its annoying I tell you, since I normally choose to get irritated and annoyed. Anger just tears open my mouth and lets loose words I that I know are better left unsaid. It feels great to let it out, to see my words strike and smash the other, but... that horrible feeling after. The horrible repentant feeling that drives me to apologise to the one that I had wronged. Pride won't let me. Ego screams at me to just shut up and deal with my guilt. But no, I have to make ask forgiveness for my outburst.
The feeling of apologising brings me to my knees; to look in the eye of a person and apologise is difficult because what it symbolizes. I'm sorry. I am sorry, i was stupid enough to say it, i was stupid enough not to check myself, i was stupid enough not to make the right choice. I was stupid to say something that hurt you.
The choice whether to get angry or just to be calm is made in a small split second. One second can decide whether something dark or something calming is let out. That one second often shows what a person is made of because getting angry is so powerful. When you're angry, you explode, everything hidden about yourself is shown. Your worst is revealed and amplified.
There's just this awesome power that rips itself from you when you get pissed.
After i get pissed and wander off to think about why I got angry. I get angry when I could have done something else besides being angry. Guilt floods my emotions, its like walking up a river with guilt pushing you back every step you take. There is so much power when a person is angry. Anger isn't wrong in fact, its incredibly powerful, but that doesn't mean you should sin when you're angry. I'm sorry for all the times I've done wrong when I was angry.
