When I was a kid, I was called Yu Wing. I didn't like it very much as it often meant being slobbered by relatives and being asked redundant chinese new year questions. Which i somehow enjoy.
Then, it was the Jowong/J.Wong phase of my life when I was about 13 to 16. Whenever I looked back on those times I think simply how ridiculous I was. I actually tried to be a rapper! Mc JoWong. That would be my street name, allowing me all fame, friends and respect I so desperately needed at that time in my life. I took it to incredible heights! Trying to rap to the point I annoyed my desperate friends to the point of tears and violence. Being hip and hop meant I actually had to look the part, however the problem was that Mom see, or understand my need to be a ragamuffin with hot air sized jeans slung half way past my buttocks. She did not see, much less understand the need to dish out 200 Rm on a pair of boardshorts. Thinking back, I think she was right not to see. Thankfully, that part of my life came to a close when I challenged MC Cupert (daryl) to a rap match. And was destroyed by him. The judge, MC Fishball (Jeremy Foo) simply declared,"Jo, your lines are so cheesy." Well, that was the end that. Some people may accuse me or simply declare that I was giving up on my dreams, and yet, there are just some people in this world who have many dreams. Many unrealistic ones that would, on more thought, amount to so little other than a rush of glory. I am one of those people. As I matured and got out of my JoWong stage, I learned to cut down unrealistic and childish ambitions that simply sound cool.
I began to embrace who I was.
I am Jo. I do not like rap music. It would sound nice if only I had some slight understanding on what the hommies were talking about. However, due to my unparalleled intelligence, the meanings of these words simply escape me. I far prefer alternate rock and rock/pop. I also discovered I enjoy writing. The speed of my posts on this blog don't contradict me. Often when I right, especially to post something on my blog, I have this need have a good post up. That takes time, patience, grammar checks and goodness knows what else. Having said all that, I would gladly spend hours working on a post if I had the time. Its fun to see words fall to place, to paint pictures with words and to use the bewitching nooks and crannies english offers.
Over time, 17- now, I am still discovering who and what I am. I have discovered so much. I have discovered I am quite simple. Yet, immensely complicated, to the point where I simply have to slow down to think for a while to collect myself to understand what I feel. I have realized I can be quite sappy as well. I bore myself sometimes, yet, I am excited by the prospect of realizing that from this boredom, outlets of entertainment springs up! I am Joseph. Jo for short. I am still discovering who I am. And I hope I'll never stop discovering.
3 comments:
Lol. Mc JoWong?? That actually would have been quite an entertaining phase of your life to watch. but then again, I am not speaking from actual experience so yeah...in theory, it sounds good though. =]
on a more serious note...
You enjoyed those absolutely redundant but traditional Chinese New Year questions from aunties who are most of the time all splashed with red it makes your eyes want to bleed and who can quite pathetically ruin your life with the gossip they insinuate to your whole family network????
lol. not bitter at all.
Anyway. What I ACTUALLY wanted to say was...
Everyone at some time in their lives are on a continous search for themselves. And my belief is, you're never going to "find" who you are. Because who you are, is not a thing that you will 'find.' It's not like, you look in the deepest darkest well and then be able to go, "oh hey, look. I found me."
that's just. =.=
So who you are is not a noun, a thing to be found, but rather, a continous change of ourselves. In every ridiculous phase in our life, change occurs. And we become more of what we are now because of that time.
You wouldn't be the Jo you are now if you didn't have the Yu Wing stage or the Mc JoWong stage.
So I guess, my point is, just enjoy the ride we call life. DOn't get too stressed over trying to "find" who you are or over not knowing who you are.
You'll never stop discovering, I promise you that, unless of course, death occurs. But. heh. =]You'll be in a far better place when that happens.
....
I reread what I wrote. And lol. I apoligise for this massivly long comment. I think I actually made a blog post. =.=
P.S - Whats the point of dreams if you're not gunna dream big?? =]
haha. I actually think that Hi I'm Jo was a very poorly written blog post that was going nowhere! But oh wells. Helped me think. I'll probably write a better one. tnx. back to econs.
Great post :) It's important that we keep defining and redefining ourselves... and coming to terms with our identity.
But the most important thing is learning to define ourselves through God's eyes. Seeing ourselves the way he sees us. A work in progress. Of infinite value and worth and potential.
What I like about writing is that by penning down / typing out your thoughts in black-and-white, it helps you to see things clearly and sort out the jumble of thoughts in your head. It's sort of a mirror in which you see yourself for who you actually are. So it doesn't matter if it's not perfect or if you feel it's going nowhere. The most important thing is that YOU, as a person, are growing. Sooner or later that growth and maturity is going to be evident in your thinking and perspectives and attitudes towards things, and that will definitely show through in your writing. :)
You're an amazing person, JO, and I'm proud to know you. :) Keep searching and learning and discovering... and above all, keep chasing after His heart. :)
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