I Heart Fashion

 When I was young, my mother arranged for me to have an examination on fashion, which was not the strongest of my subjects. It all began when my family noticed the unhappy symptoms of fashion retardation, such as matching garish green with giggly pink and not wearing socks with my shoes.  For such eyesore and abrasive matters my parents could still endure. However, the final blow came when they found me sporting pridefully, an uber cool Ultra Man wallet which was the equivalent of committing fashion suicide by hanging myself with dental floss. 

I was ordered to sit for an Fashion Intelligence Determination Exam. Or FIDE for short. 

I studied for the test as hard as I possible so I could retain a place in society among the fashionably sane. I read up on Yves Saint Vuitton; garnishing my mind with the knowledge that YSL was a homosexual male who received much hazing in the French military for being artsy fartsy. Also, I researched a fair bit on the cut of jeans among other things. All of which was as fascinating to me as reading up on military hardware. Though I had indeed done the studying, I poignantly realised that fashion needed a certain amount of genius and flare, which I simply did not posses due to some freak genetic missalignment. 

I sat there in the exam room doubled as a dressing room in MNG Malaysia. Worriedly, I clutched the pencil with my cold and clammy hands and pinched open the leather embossed exam paper. 

I stared blankly at the questions. And tried to answer them of course.  

Q) A pair of skinny jeans would go well with which top? 

a)topless

b)Some odd top which has a frenchie sounding name

c)I dunno

d) T-Shirt. 

 

  A) c

Q) Examine and Discuss the artistic attributes of the Paris/Milan Haute Couture show of 2007 and its achievements. 

A) The Paris/Milan Haute Couture show was stylish and stuff cause it had clothes that were nice.

Q) Compare and contrast the impact of the Calvin Klein Jeans line with its UnderGarment line. 

A) They were from the same company but the undergarments had to go under the jeans and were therefore different in that extent. 

At about question 4 of 50, I proceeded to squirt blood through my eyeballs. Screaming, I tore across MNG's flagship store, chaotically spraying blood all over their white-themed Spring/Summer collection. 

Needless to say, I was yanked out of the examination by a rather stylishly dressed guard and posthumously labeled a complete and utter dunce of fashion. Also, in another category of fashion infamy, was labeled as the Malaysian to ever receive the lowest mark in FIDE. Only second to the fanatic masses who religiously frequent Sungei Wang and its blasphemous worship of sharply contrasting colors and lace. 

As such, Megan Fox flew down from Hollywood to personally award me a medal and a kiss on the cheek. Yay!