Fascinating Feminine

Women are all fascinating creatures. So scientifically similar yet so irreconcilably different from the male species. The fact remains true that the way female minds work is so astoundingly different that one might as well try to plant an oil tanker in the genetic divide. Females are perturbingly astounding. 

I tried to figure out a girl once, and I realized, you must be ready to sell your soul in order to please one. Also, one must abandon all sense of self, ripping your ego out of your spine and tearing it into bite sized little pieces to be consumed by the female you're trying to please. Miht as well rip out your spine while I'm at it. Therefore, the experiment begins.

Waking up in the morning, I grabbed a razor blade and started cutting out my spine. After so doing, ranting and raving at myself while listening to a de motivational tape on a loop. After washing up (cause girls like hygiene). I went out to see that lady. She looked at me as though a hungry Appalachian Snow Tiger about to pounce on an Appalachian Snow Rabbit. 

"I don't like spineless men."

"WHAT!" 

Girls. Who can figure them out. 

I never could, so I never really talked to them. Especially since I despise ripping out my spine in the most grotesque way possible, I never did whatever was in the last few paragraphs. However, that was what would probably happen. Had I found pain physically feasible.