I Am Going To Clean My Room!

My room is a nightmare. I am going to clean my room.

Time Splitters

Andee!! Die you nerd!! You got me hooked on a video game!!

Ah, memories of running about shooting everyone whithout thinking, playing very carefully when you realise you've only got a bar of health left. Then rushing about insanely again when you've taken the health pack came running back to me. Sigh.

Here's what happens in brain when I play.

Stupid map. I hate it. OHMYGOODNESSITSAGAYTIMESPLITTERGUARD!! ARRGHH!!! SHOOT SHOOT!! Whipping out my gun and pumping assault rifle rounds into my slightly off target targetting reticule then, WHAT ON LA LA LA!! WHY SO NOOB WAN!! PISTOL!! ARRGGHH!!! DUMB PISTOL SO SLOW!!! Of which I'd run up to the guy and blugeon him on the head. Only to start again with another A I dude right behind him. Minus the assault rifle that is. s


Hee hee.

Who God is to Me

Correct grammar for the title? No? Die you grammar nazi. Fall to the earth and die.

We were all in camp, sitting in a circle around our cell group leader David. Rose asked these questions from the stage:who is God to you and who are you to God. "hmm", I thought, sounded simple enough. GOD IS THE ALMIGHTY!! THE ALPHA AND OMEGA!! THE DUDE WHO MAKES EARTH SEEM LIKE A GOLF BALL!

Then dear ol David had to say,"no text book answers."

What was I supposed to say?

I was sitting half way around the circle, which meant that I was geographically safe in either direction they chose to proceed. Strategically, that gave me a good time to think; or, get my answer nailed by all the other guys in my circle. I was mostly wondering about, who is God to me? I couldn't say my best friend, or my comforter, or the guy who makes earth seem like a golf ball because they were all text book answers.

I began thinking about the camp. What I was doing. I was mostly walking around by myself fore the most part of the camp. Quiet and all. I started thinking about people. Admit it, we have to impress them to gain their respect or friendship or whatever. We've got to be great at something like talking, having great looks, being funny, kicking around a hollow ball, playing a musical instrument, Dota or Csing to get their respect. If we aren't. Well, that pretty much leaves us as the past tense of a certain verb that shares the noun screw.

Then I realised that I didn't have to impress God. What's there to impress? After all, He was the guy who bled and died because of me jerking around. He doesn't need to be impressed by me because He loves me so much.

Imagine if He needed to be impressed, all the losers in the world would be packed up and sent in a screaming chariot right down to hell. That means all of us by the way, considering we we're all born sinful.

I thank Him so much for dying for me. I thank Him for writing a huge love letter to me. I thank Him for constantly knocking at my heart to have a chat with Him. But most of all, I thank Him for not having to be impressed by me.


For the record, Josh's answer was the best. He put together all the text book answers.

Bleh

I, for some reason don't feel like posting anything. I don't feel like revealing the ginourmous adventures undertaken by myself to every tom, dick and lerry. Why should i anyways? Its my life and you can't scrutize or criticize it! So what if I dig my nose with my tongue when I'm bored. So what if I enjoy posting how I feel about not posting anything. I'm feeling selfish. Very selfish. Is it a sin to be selfish?! Selling fishes was a popular occupation in the Bible. Not just that. Jesus called disciples to be fishers of men! I'm selfishing and there's nothing you guys can do about it.

La la

I don't know what to write. Its just one of those times you think about how much bettter life would be if all the girls in the worlds just disappeared and how purple eggplants are so much better than flying pigs. Absolute nonsense sprouts forth from not knowing what to write, so maybe I should just write about what I do not know what to write about.
So not know whing what to write about, I start on a massive quest through my brain in search of what I should write. Its like," hi brain! How's the nerves?"

And its like." Jo. I hate you. Go away."

And I'm like." Erm... you're my brain, i can't exactly go away if you're making me say hi to you right?"

And its like," Go away before i make you cry." HAH! I DARE YOU, YOU BLOB OF GREY GLUE~!! And, guess what, I didn't cry! HAH! TRIUMPH OF MAN OVER HIS BRAIN!!
The word idiot is a very liquid statement. I mean, if one guy thinks everyone in the room are idiots, does that make him the only idiot in the room cause he's abnormal and everyone is behaving perfectly fine to everyone else other than he? Wow, if that theory was actually true. The next time some loony declares himself the brain of all brains, i shall declare him the brain of all nonsense. Think you're the smartest in your class do ya? Well, you might just be an idiot and not know it yourself.

Purple eggplants will take over the world some day. Why? Because purple eggplants will command huge flying pigs. Those gargantuan mammals will spray eggs all over the face of the earth and the stench will kill everyone! Every egg will have a plant and that plant will revive the egg, bringing forth, eggplants. Destructive squishy vegetables! Just when you though it was safe to head over to Esquire's and grab fried eggplants. How'd you like it if you got chopped up, fried and eaten by and eggplant? Plants are sensitive things okay!? Eggplants shall rule. Lets all submit to the egg.

By the way, Jo was abducted by a whacked up alien and has been put into hibernation for about ten hours. He's normally quite serious and logical. Stilletos people! Hey, that actually sounds quite kewl! Stilletos and ciao!

Do You Remember When?

Cause when I die,
Then I die,
Loving you.

Hmmm, its the band Yellow Card playing, I can't help but to think to myself. Lines of happiness, sadness, and joy wrinkled on my face. My hair white, energy I've once known when I was a foolish youth, replaced wisdom and maturity that age only gives. There I will be on my death bed. Smilling to myself most likely. Thinking of the times Jesus held my hand and led me through the colourfully worded chapters of my life. My story began with him pulling open the cover of a brand new book. As time went on, the book grew scarred with time, and as the pages turn brown, He reaches the end. I know that when the last page is read, and when His beautiful hands shuts the torn and plastered yet sturdy back cover of my story, I'll die with the words, "I love You," On my lips. A new and never ending book will then be opened.

Unexpected expectance

Sharon walked bouncily in the kindergarten's friendly playgrounds, not knowing what awaited her, after all, she was new. While she still had her head turning on a swivel, inquisitively looking around at every new sigh that lay in store for her sweet, clear eyes. "Hey! I'm Sharon! What's yours!" With those simple words, friendships were made.

It didn't take Sharon all that long to become popular in that convention of children. After all, she was bouncy and happy. She often had a smile that brightened her teachers days and her classmates as well. She was often the fun child be around and whenever a person fell and hurt herself, she was there for her, wiping away her tears and making her laugh again. In the bright play grounds of Little Angels, she was happy.

However, she wasn't much with the boys. Frankly, at a time when girls were just yucky things that were fountains of tears with huge claws and boys were insects that gobbled the acidic slime that came from their noses, girls and boys simply did not mix. As a matter of fact. there was often a distinct line of separation, like a huge ocean between two warring nations, with a tiny island smack in the middle. The poor teachers had it tough whenever the warring nations decided to put their forminable battleships to sea.

Sharon got on wonderfully, however, things were about to change. Of late, there had been no brave male to challenge the overwhelming superiority of the female race when she came. The boys always cowered in fear and dared not to put disgusting spiders or covertly steal food from any ponytailed little girl who had forgetfully left her lunch out.

One day though, as Sharon was chatting gaily as she and her group of fellow female kindergartners strutted the colourfully painted halls, the red oak door of the kindergarten opened slowly. No one really bothered, the ladies were out in force, and the boys cowardly rushing out of the way. A woman stepped through the door way and so did a little boy holding her hand. Miss Madison half jogged to the door to greet the mother and son. The boy wandered around impervious to the gang of lollipop weilding females and blocked their paths. "What are YOU doing here?"
"What are YOU doing here?" He rebelliously replied. Sharon promptly stuck her lollipop into Johns nose as he simultaneously burst out into a fountain of tears. Miss Mary-anne and his mom came running to see what the matter was. Poor John muttering indistinct syllables through machine gun sobs and Sharon simply shrugged her shoulders. An interesting beginning.

From that day on, they became the best of enemies, the kindergarten became a war zone and no man's land of sorts. John had seemed be the boy's boy, he was there encouraging all the guys and often leading them in mock battles and forming no girls allowed clubs. Sharon,
realising the threat this possed formed her own no boys allowed clubs. Indeed when they were alone together, John would often start calling her a slime puddle and Sharon, typical of any girl her age would give him a curt upper cut and jack slam.

Time passed by and soon, both graduated to primary school. John doing what boys normally do, and being the fastest runner in the game of catching, he was untouchable. Guys were attracted to him and often never started their games unless he was around on the playground. Sharon developed a liking for art, drawing little birds and trees; helping to put play makeup on her friends. Girls loved her, she was so sweet and always stood up for them when a boy started calling them mean names. Nothing much did change, they still fought, each trying to beat the other in marks and question answering. As soon as both were left alone with each other, impassioned words of incredibly imaginative names flew from their mouths. John angrily screaming in his squeaky voice and Sharon screaming on top her lungs. Fights broke up all the time, ending with poor John muttering in between machine gun sobs and Sharon shrugging her shoulders.

By the time both were juniors in high school, Sharon was taller then John. John was around a good four inches shorter and always had to look up when he in debating contests with Sharon. Things in high school changed though, because odd things began happening to the tribes of male and female. The annoying slimy girls turned into, sweet, slimy annoying girls and the disgusting, pathetic boys became cute, disgusting, pathetic boys. John still hated the sight of Sharon and Sharon always laughed whenever she saw the shorter John always looking up at her.

However, one day, Sharon came to shool to see a group of guys standing sadly around. In the middle of the group was John. He sad and tearful, was shaking hands with a couple of the boys and giving them hi-fives. " Sorry guys, I gotta go, it'll be a year or two. I'll miss you guys, maybe even that horrible Sharon too. Don't start crying on me now all of you." Sharon was happy as she gaily shashayed to her group of friends who were all surprisingly not celebrating with her. She found her happiness short lived as a week later, her mom told her while she was with all her friends that they were shifting because of her dad's job.

Four years passed by, guys and girls began to make friends with each other in that high school. Laughing over old stories like when the girls beat up all the boys and threw them into the swimming pool. Then someone would mention how John was always there getting thrown in last for sticking up for the guys and how sharon was always at odds at him. All of a sudden they would be quiet, each remembering happy memories of John and Sharon screaming at each other. Memories of John with his machine gun sobs and Sharon's he-deserved-it shrug brought small smiles onto their faces.

Finally on the beginning of the last year of high school, when the once disgusting little boys had shot up, and become young men, and the icky girls had turned into sweet, attractive butterflies, a guy ran up to the gates of the high school. John and Sharon were coming back, coincedentially on the same day. John got down from his mom's car, a rugged six footer with chiseled good looks, slight tan skin and a lean, muscular stature. As he walked towards the gate and into a group of his old classmates, he gave each a huge hug and a playful punch on the shoulder. The girls gasped as they saw the huge change, the once slightly awkward looking John had grown into a stud. John then queitly slipped away into his old school which he had come back to. As he recollected memories while walking down the hallways lit by the soft white light of the morning sun, something stopped him. Walking down opposite him, there was this girl carrying an art folder, her large, black, eyes looking at him as well. John couldn't help noticing her graceful curves subtly shown by her white spaghettie strapped mini-dress and blue jeans. Her sweet yet startlingly beautiful, fair face and long black hair falling to her shoulders forced him to blink. Both of them stared shocked at each other for a moment before dazedly walking off wandering if what they saw were real.

John and Sharon were in separate classes. John studying science to become a lawyer and Sharon working on her art. They were always the best of their class throughout the year and both still were the most popular of their classes. Even though in the same school they rarely saw each other and even when they did they were often gazing absently into each others eyes from across the room, each never daring to talk to the other.

As the end of the year came, and the high school graduation dance rolled around the corner, the graduating students were required to find a partner. Sharon walked quietly in the corridor alone after she had said bye to her friends, she normally left late, working on her art works for the perfectionist she was. As she turned a corner, she found herself looking up into the dark brown eyes of a rather handsome fellow with wavy hair combed back. John was slightly taken aback as well, at the sight of beautiful young brunette, expecting nothing usual to happen as he took a break from his calculus practise.

"Erm, how are you?" John steadily said, not masking his shyness.

"Great i guess" Sharon replied shakily, nearly losing herself in his hazel colored eyes.

"Should i save myself the time and go get a band aid for my soon to be broken jaw?"

Sharon giggled and answered,"I'd rather not have to explain a puddle of salt on the floor"
Both enemies began to laugh, they were pleasantly surprised at the way they enjoyed each other's company. Sharon for once realising John was half a head taller than her and that the little boy that once irritated her had changed. John concluding that that pushy, hard hitting linebacker was now attracting his attention.

"Would you like to come with me for the dance?" John nervously asked.

"That would be nice" Sharon replied, softly. As John turned to leave, he realised that this was the girl that had almost murdered him in kindergarten.

Both looked forward to the prom three days away.

A Hug

You know how sometimes you feel so utterly lost. Like you're walking around minding your wn buisness, suddenly, the feeling of sadness and worthlessness just hits you right in the gut. Feels as though you want to run, hide and escape from the encroaching flood of sad thoughts and hurts.

Its so normal, but then, the next thing, you catch sight of something that reminds you of what you think you are. The darkness seeps into your blood and clots at your throat. Blood rushes to your face as your eyes begin to water as memories and formed conclusions of yourself gather in your soul. The pain is grasping, sometimes dying, but sometimes reemerging, showing its disgusting pathetic head that slowly eats your heart away.

Do you know that feeling? I sorta do I guess. I was feeling quite normal that day, it seemed just like any other day. As i was walking around in class, i caught sigh of something, something that was just like anyother, but the memories and reaction it caused was different. I felt suddenly, a sense that something was lost, a panic of being who I am, I feeling of worthlessness gripped me. I needed to feel accepted and loved. To be told that everything was alright. It was as if i was a three year old kid on his first day in kindergarten.

I felt sad, desparingly. I wanted to walk off to someplace quiet to gather myself, to tell myself that I fine. I looked around ditractedly at the tables chairs and people, but sadness and that inadequate feeling still bound itself to my thoughts. Then I remembered something: God. It was as if I was reminded that God was my Father. My dad was just right next to me holding out his hands to comfort me. I realised that in moments of sadness, pain and hurts, in moments that bring tears to your eyes and moments that sear your heart. God's right there. Like a father hugging you and protecting you from everything else around you. Love that covers you from head to toe. The love of acceptance, being accepted unconditionally and knowing that you're worth so much to someone. All that in a hug.

Anger

I admit, sometimes I'm peeved with myself for being peeved at something that peeves me off. Why am I so peeved sometimes? It doesn't make sense. Just because my mom came a little late to pick me up gives me no right to behave peeved. So what if some insensitive jerk said some thing insensitive and blunt or a dear friend behaves like an insensitive jerk for a moment? That that give me the right to give that person the stare of death or a stream of angry impassionated words? Hardly. Yet, I still do get peeved. If something big happens; like me forgetting to save after beating the last boss for forty days in a row or playing a sport like a lame monkey in a competition. I have the choice or decision to get angry and agigitated and I normally allow myself that feeling.
Its annoying I tell you, since I normally choose to get irritated and annoyed. Anger just tears open my mouth and lets loose words I that I know are better left unsaid. It feels great to let it out, to see my words strike and smash the other, but... that horrible feeling after. The horrible repentant feeling that drives me to apologise to the one that I had wronged. Pride won't let me. Ego screams at me to just shut up and deal with my guilt. But no, I have to make ask forgiveness for my outburst.
The feeling of apologising brings me to my knees; to look in the eye of a person and apologise is difficult because what it symbolizes. I'm sorry. I am sorry, i was stupid enough to say it, i was stupid enough not to check myself, i was stupid enough not to make the right choice. I was stupid to say something that hurt you.
The choice whether to get angry or just to be calm is made in a small split second. One second can decide whether something dark or something calming is let out. That one second often shows what a person is made of because getting angry is so powerful. When you're angry, you explode, everything hidden about yourself is shown. Your worst is revealed and amplified.
There's just this awesome power that rips itself from you when you get pissed.
After i get pissed and wander off to think about why I got angry. I get angry when I could have done something else besides being angry. Guilt floods my emotions, its like walking up a river with guilt pushing you back every step you take. There is so much power when a person is angry. Anger isn't wrong in fact, its incredibly powerful, but that doesn't mean you should sin when you're angry. I'm sorry for all the times I've done wrong when I was angry.

All Out Chinese Bash!

So what would a bunch of homeschoolers do if they all played the same game? The game in case was Generals: Zero Hour, a real time strategy game which brings the elements of the latest in warfare and puts it at the finigertips of us, hungry and grateful gamers. When I use the term gamers, I use it gracefuly considring we were so bad at the game that most of our time was spent wondering where our units were. I had arranged this specific outing to tend to my wounds after having lost to a rather lopsided and unfair match in which I was mercilessly bullied into submission by the combined forces of the Kongs(the brother and sister team which were against me). The defeat was indeed too great for me to bear. The images of my dear precious men taken out by the cowardly sniper Jarmen Kell and my beauiful overload tanks blown up by the annoying suicide bombers Joshua had recklessly thrown at me were far too troubling as I was haunted everytime i saw my conquerors faces in school.

I had arranged for another battle. This time no quarter would be shown. I had pledged not to rest till my tanks had rolled over the crushed pride of Joshua and his sister as they had shot mine to pieces. There would be two sides, I would team up with a friend of longstanding, and the Kongs would be together. However, I still had my doubts as Joshua was indeed a formidable opponent. No matter, I could smell victory.

The day apporoached, we took our sides, me and matt chose the Nuke general because complete annihilation was our goal. Josh chose the infantry general whose soldiers devoured armour like locusts devour wheat and Rach chose the tank general whose tanks were near invincible. Soon, the battle began. Me and matt created our bases at a demonized pace so as to not be overrun with the formidable amounts of destruction the other team, aka the Kongs could capably and well throw at us. I built two overload tanks at a lighning pace along with a nuclear cannon to aid in my hopefuly quick destruction of Rachels base. I feared her. My tanks charged; however, I was doubtful if I would be able to overun her so early in the game. As soon as I approached her base, my fears then materialized in the form of an Emporer Overlord Tank. Scream! I pulled tanks into an immediate retreat as I ordered my all important nuke cannon to commence a storm of death upon the Emporer. My gamble paid off as death took the once invincible Emporer. My Overlords then cut a hasty swath across her base, neutralizing her nuclear power stations first, smashing her defences, then destoying the dangerous war factory which built the substance of my fears( Emporer Overlord). I then proceeded with the task of wiping out the rest of her base. She would not surrender. In the sky eight Migs swarmed and dropped napalm bombs upon my already battered tanks! They were not hers, Joshua had struck back at me in retaliation defiance for having the audacity and daring-do to attack his ally and sibling. My heart filled with despair then sudden joy as my tanks pushed through the burning flames and forged on to finish the burtal process of destruction. Finally, half the victory and a tremendous tactical advantage was gained.

While me and Rachel engaged in mortal warfare, Matthias and Joshua were engaged in an equally brutal but different form of warfare. Tactics that were completely different were used. Joshua had taken control of a tacticaly important building that stood guard between he and matt. Matthias had built up a horde of tanks outnumbering my sad force by a one to five ratio. He, whithout hesitation sent his tanks to make supposed quick work of the rocket defenders guarding the building, but to our shock, missiles zoomed out of the pagoda and hit his tank force with such effecient brute force and lethality that his once formidable tank force were no more. As Matthias screamed in the frustration posed by Joshua, I sent my Migs in to shower tactical nukes upon that annoying building. All in complete vain I realised as they were all shot down in quick order. Joshua's defences were impregnable.

I suddenly realised at the defeat of rachel that my tanks were now opposite of Joshua's base and my force faced an undefended side his defences. A hole? The map was a square, me taking the upper right, matt taking the upper left, Rach taking the lower right and Josh taking the lower left. Upon the dawn of inspiration, I sent my now larger force of Overlord tanks right next to his nuclear launching base, staying in wait for Matt's forces to overwhelm the tower of defiance Joshua relied upon in order for an coordinated attack in two directions. Finally, I could take no longer and my armoured tanks swept into Josh's base much to his despair. With matt congratulating me and sending a token force of tanks (tank actually), I proceeded to exhibit merciless effeciency in the destruction of Joshua. In his final attempt to salvage what was his, the already elite squad of missile defenders were called back from the pagoda to deal the buisness of death to my sterling tanks. No big deal, after all, my tanks had gattling cannons as well. I was soon proven wrong as the missles destroyed my lead elite tank. Utter shock, and anger burst in me as I demanded my tanks fire in retaliation upon the objects of my hate. They were no match. Victory then came.

Note, we're complete noobs at the game(well, at least I am) and this is a tremendous exageration of what happened. Thankyou.

A New Beginning

Its great to be back blogging again. Its been a long half year for me, lots of good experiences and a couple of bad ones, but hey! Its the bad experiences that make the good ones good right? This is a blog where I'll post my thoughts and my often exaggerated life experiences.( how exciting can a trip to the cyber cafe possibly be?) Anyways, please sit back and enjoy.