Driving Test

Oh where do I begin? Ah. From the very beginning perhaps. I'd also like to mention that I believe I was a shoo in for the activity off which most men must take. And so, bundled up in my instructers kancil, like chickens to the slaughter; me, a guy and a couple of chicks, were driven to the abbatoir. It was long and an ardurous journey punctuated by screams of despair and the near religious acknowledging of impending doom.

When we got there, I felt slightly like Frodo when he was in the realm of mordor, trying to burn that dumb ring. It was full of so many types of people, striped, polka dotted and dyed. There I was, trying to fit in with my shirt tucked in neatly and my pleated pants pressed and prim. I had no idea what to expect, other than that it would not be easy. I've never mentioned the word "God" so many times in silent prayer. (Funny how we pray our hardest when nature's call beckons and there aren't any toilets close by.)

The testing began. Old engines howled in fury as drivers cursed trying to pull the stubborn mules up a testy slope. Many dreams where ended there, on the sumit of The Slope as kancil after kancil slid down all in thanks to the wonderful and precise clutch and accelaration paddles. Then came my turn. I asked the bespectacled dude about the ride from hell I was about to get into.

"oh my god" Where his exact words, minus the " its very difficult to drive, i dunnoe how to say."

I was so relieved I had gotten the pinnacle of Malaysian engineering. Dashing up the slope, all in part thanks to my ignorance of the cars retarded habits, I pushed my car. With the drive shaft barely catching and the cavalier Pirates of the Caribean theme song playing I sped up. "Wait, wait, wait, now!" I screamed at myself. I clamped down the brake hard, only to realise that I was a good foot away from the target. In sheer desperation, I accelerated and urged the beast forward once again, however; it was all in vain as the stubborn mule of a car rolled down comically.

Strike one.

The second try. I hated this car, I hated this exam, channeling all my anger; well, actually, I didn't think of anything at all. I forced the car upwards that forbidding slope once again, marvelling at how perfect the clutch and the acceleration system worked (intense sarcasm). Hold! Wait! Now! I raged at myself! Only to have my heart sink along with the car as history repeated itself.

Strike two.

The JPJ dude, or the orc who cried, "inspection!" looked at me and gave me the peace sign. "Yeah, great dude! Peace to earth, mankind and all that! Wait, why is he asking me to get down?" Another Jpj dude up to me and motioned me out of the car. As I unhappily switched the car off, whithout freeing the gear, the only thought I had functioning in my head was sheer disbelief.

"Where's my third try" I wondered quietly to myself as I sadly walked up to the examiner. After writing my name as I was told to and watching him happily slashing bold blue lines of my exam paper, I put my hands on my hips, still in disbelief.

" eh? Awak angry dengan saye ke!? Gnape tangan buat begitu!?

"oh, sorry, saya sangat..."

"sedih? Awak jangan buat begitu lagi tau, sangat tak bersopan, awak ni masih belajar!"

Reprimanded, I walked off.

Honestly, I began praying again. Passing For the second test was something I had to do. Rather much like Frodo on mount doom when he knew that he to go toss the ring in again. Its so dumb I tell you, that itty bitty ring? Sheesh. Neways, my troop came bounding over, two of them had passed, another had failed, thanks to her tire sticking out slightly from the white parking line. Oh well. (evil one, I know how you feel)

I began a chat with a rather mature seventeen year old dude as the both of us awaited for the test both of us had to pass. He didn't know the route perfectly and neither did I.

"Eh?" I said, "I though the examiner got give instruction?"

"I don't think so..."

Whooppee... My time was up, in more ways than one I thought to myself as the a newer model of a kancil drove up with my examiner sitting inside. He struck me as someone familiar. Then I realised, he reminded me of the fierce, huge orc that inspected the modor army and almost busted Frodo and Sam!

"Apa khabar boss?"

"Saya tidak boss la."

Well, that was a great start! I thought to myself, we'd be sharing each other's email addresses and face book accounts in no time! I loved that dude.

"So, apa nama encik?"

"pandu saja" Oh cry. Guess not.

At one point during the test, was a u turn I had no idea I had to make. Luckily he pointed out where I was supposed to go, using hand signals so that he could avoid pleasant and pleasurable conversation with me. There I was, stopping and ready to make a u turn when," Signal!! Signal ke kanan!!" Oh my, I thought. Well, I panicked actally. With my gear stuck at three I made that make or break u turn. Slaming the accelarator down and cursing the gods of kancil my car inched forward as though a raging river was held back by an itty bitty damn. I finally made that turn. Sigh. It was a sad drive back. Like Samwise Gamgee after Frodo stupidly bansished him from the fellowship.

When I got back and muttered my thanks to Smeagol's big bro, I grabbed my results. I passed!! Somehow, through some miracle, my dead score was brought back to life! I love that big lovable teddy bear I tell you. A huge smile appeared on my face, one pass, one fail, thats what I could say.

Well, all in all, one down, one more to go.