The feeling of self consciousness sweeps over me. All of I sudden, I feel aware of how my arms are swinging, how I'm walking and how I'm breathing. I am immensely more aware of my more feminine upper features(man boobs) and religious bump(buddha belly) pushing through my shirt. Yeah, I become very self conscious. And very nervous.
I wonder, what will thing think of me? What are they thinking of me? Do they like what they see? What if they don't!?
Matters are made much worse when a person so much as looks at me with a bored look. The killing blow would be a finger pointed in my direction followed by a quiet snicker. It kills me, after catching a glimpse of myself being used as a subject of humor. Having no idea what to do; the only thought that enters my mind would be to run away. After the ordeal would be over, I'd be sadly looking down on myself, finding all sorts of reasons as to why another person would look or behave that way towards me.
One day, God just said. "I'm with you."
You know. There are times when I've headed to a place I don't know to mix with a bunch of people I don't recognize. Most times, I would probably start panicking as all my knowledge of the english language disappears. At the end, I'd probably be sitting down chatting to someone who was as quiet and scared as I am. Then, an immensely popular friend of mine who happens to be in charge would come striding into the room. "Hey Jo! Sorry to keep you waiting! How are you!" He'd warmly greet me.
I'd feel the warmth of being accepted and the comfort of confidence seeping back into me. Just my friend was with me.
Months after I heard God, I panicked again. I was once again afraid to plunge into a room, just like I was wearing a really bright pink bra. God!? What am I supposed to do!!! My Friend whispered, "if I'm with you, that means when you enter that room, I'll enter too." At that point, I realized that there was no need to be afraid. As I walked quietly into the room, God entered with me.
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